Bitterblue
by LeDiz
Summary: A Kurtty for the ages. Originality was ALWAYS my strong point! Now that Kitty's figured out her heart so I've been reading romance, leave me alone, is it too late for her and Kurt?
1. Verse

****

DISCLAIMER: The long awaited Kurtty. Or not. Maybe. Maybe not. Oh, and Bitterblue is a song by Cat Stevens. I've recently rediscovered this guy. So sad. But this isn't a song fic. Except for the following, of course:

__

Yes I've been moving a long time  
but only up and down  
I gave my last hope to you  
Don't hand it back to me, Bitterblue.  
I've done all one man can do  
Please help me lose this bitterblue

It can be somewhat disturbing when Kurt sings.

It's not that he's a bad singer or anything. Quite the opposite. I mean, you know how people always say the German accent is harsh? I mean, Kurt doesn't HAVE a harsh accent, but it's still there. Well, when he sings, it goes away. Same with Rogue's accent, but that's beside the point. When Kurt sings, it's just his voice, as it must sound to his family.

He's got a really nice voice.

But it's still disturbing, because he accidentally puts emotion into all the words. He doesn't even know he's doing it, because once me, Rogue, Scott and Jean were sitting around the kitchen while Kurt was cooking, and he started singing this song, really quietly. None of us had ever heard it before, but he sang it, and it was like he was truly meaning every single word, mourning a break up or something. But when he put the cookies in the oven and looked up, we were all staring at him and he had no idea why. It was kinda funny, actually, the look on his face.

But I like listening to him sing. He doesn't do it on purpose much, except to irritate Evan at six in the morning before a training session.

He's cooking again right now. He tends to sing when he's bored, and cooking for dinner always makes him bored. But I'm sitting at the table, and he knows it, so of course, he won't do anything.

It's weird watching Kurt these days. It's like he's a different person than the one I first knew. Ever since this thing with Amanda started he's been a lot different. Moving, talking, standing… everything's slightly different, like he knows what he is now. He's not AS self-conscious. He's still incredibly worried about himself, but it's not nearly as bad.

It's much more attractive, in a Kurt-sort-of-way. He smiles at me now, and he doesn't even try to hide the fangs. They're almost cute.

"So Kitty, what did you want to talk to me about?" he asks, looking over his shoulder. I think he's cutting carrots.

"Huh? Oh. Right. Not much. I just wanted to talk to you, that's all."

"You feeling okay? You've seemed a little… weird… lately." He says, turning back to his task. "Like you're not really sure whether you're coming or going, you know?"

Oh god, he had to notice, didn't he? I hate observant people. It's his fault. Walking around all confident and smiling and cheerful and good looking. Jerk. "I've been a little distracted lately, y'know?"

"Not really. What do you mean?"

"Well…" I'm not sure… He's practically inviting me to tell him what's distracting me. I could tell him, but he'd probably read way too much into it. "I don't know either." I smile and walk to the counter before hopping up beside him. "What are you making tonight?"

"Just a stir-fry. Fraulein Munroe taught me how to make them. Said it was a lot easier and better for all the mansion if I didn't try something interesting on the others tonight." He grins and I have to laugh. "We all know she just can't keep from laughing at another 'it's quite nice really' routine from Jubilee."

Oh, the 'quite nice really' routine can be funny. Kurt, like Jean and Evan, has a tendency to make very odd meals that taste nice enough, but they just look weird. Jubilee always tells us that she's had it before and couldn't stand it, but eventually she'll try it, take a really small bite, then swallow. She'll be really quiet for a few moments, then say the infamous catchphrase.

But it's now that I realise he's looking at me, worried. "Are you sure you're alright, Katzchen?"

Sigh. "How are you and Amanda?" God, I hope that sounded casual.

Obviously not, because he rolls his shoulders, an uncomfortable look on his face. "Ahh… Katzchen, I told you last week. We broke up. Remember?"

"Huh?"

"I was asking you if something was wrong, and you said you were fine, and tried to change the subject. Exactly like just a second ago. We've been 'just friends' for almost a month now…" he smiles weirdly, like he's trying not to be embarrassed.

I don't see what he's worried about. Breaking up with someone isn't something to embarrassed about. Now forgetting something that important about your best friend…

"Oh god, I can't believe I forgot. Sorry, Kurt! I didn't mean to… oh gawd…" I bury my face in my hands, then peek out at him. "Sorry…"

He laughs. "Sure thing, Katze."

"Hey! How come you waited almost a month to tell me then, huh?" I demand, slapping him playfully. "Aren't I good enough to be like, your confidante, or something?"

He's still laughing. "It didn't seem important. Besides, if I knew you were going to forget, I wouldn't have bothered!"

"Oh that is so not a good reason." I'm trying hard to glare at him, but it doesn't seem to be working. "Why wouldn't it be important?"

He shrugs. "You've been upset lately, I didn't want to bother you with my problems."

Hah. If only he knew. His problem would have made mine a whole lot easier.

I pick up one of the carrots and toy with it, trying to decide whether to eat it or not. "Well, my problem's nothing unusual. I just like someone."

He smiles softly and takes another carrot from the basket to replace the one I've stolen. "Anyone important?"

"Yeah, pretty important. What's really the problem is that I totally missed my chance." I sigh, looking at him. "I could have had him."

"Hm…" He picks up the peeler and points it at me. "You can do better than arcade, Katze."

"Ar- oh, ew! No!" Oh god, that's just so ridiculous! And disgusting! He's right, I can so seriously do better than him. Still, it is kind of funny. "No, this is a guy I actually liked when he like, like liked me."

"Like, like liked you?" he laughs. "Ja, sure, Kitty."

"Be serious, Kurt!"

"Nup. Too hard." He's grinning at me, though. He puts aside the newly peeled carrot and starts chopping again as I bite into mine. "So… Lance?"

I shake my head silently. Like I'm going to give him any clues.

"Evan!"

"What!" I slip off the counter to stare at him.

He keeps laughing. "Just kidding. Uh… Joey, Mark, Chaz?"

I grin, shaking my head. Man, he's so bad at this!

"Me!" he cries suddenly, laughing. "Sorry, sorry. I don't know. Who?"

I just smile. "None of your business."

Kurt chuckles in reply and goes back to chopping carrots. I lean back against the window and watch him quietly.

Kurt sighs and starts moving his head to a beat, lost to everyone but him. He notices me staring and smiles. "I gave my last chance to you, don't hand it back to me…" he sings, grinning, then laughs. "I've had this song stuck in my head all week."

"What is it?"

"Ah, you wouldn't know it. It's not even one of mine. Something I found in the collection downstairs." He shrugs and leans his head against mine. "Hey, maybe you should tell the guy. You know, just see if he still likes you. You never know."

I shake my head, feeling my hair accidentally knot with his. "No one can like you for that long. Especially after some stuff we've been through."

He smiles. "Too good friends to risk?"

"Something like that."

"So it's… Tristan! Oh mein Gott, it's Tristan!" he cries, bouncing away from me. "Your friend Tristan from math! Amanda was right!"

I laugh, watching him. "Whatever you say, Kurt! I don't like Tristan."

He keeps grinning and comes back, letting me rest my head on his shoulder as he starts on some broccoli. "I'm glad."

"Why?"

"I dunno. I just…" he sighs, making my head half-slip from his shoulder. "Ever have a particular image for who should be with your friend and who shouldn't?"

I smile and wrap my arms around his arm, despite it's moving. "Yeah. And if they aren't who you want, it's not good enough?"

"Ja…"

"Thanks for caring enough to have that." I say quietly. He makes a small noise in his throat before I tighten my grip. "But if you ever try and ENFORCE that…!"

He nudges me with his shoulder. "Yeah, right. Trust me, Kitty. I just want you to be with a guy who's going to treat you right, y'know?"

I smile up at him, resting my chin on his shoulder instead. "As long as you're with a girl that's perfect for you next time."

"And who's that?"

He's stopped chopping now, he's just looking at me quietly, the same as I'm looking at him. It's one of those moments that in the books and movies and stuff, you decide that now is a good time to kiss him, right?

Well, unfortunately, I'm not that fictional.

I chuckle slightly before tapping him on the nose. "No one deserves you."

He raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"No one's done anything that bad yet." I grin, pushing him slightly.

He scowls slightly, then breaks out in a smile and goes back to chopping. I just hold onto his arm and watch the vegetables break into smaller pieces.

He did so much back when he liked me. And then he moved on. I didn't. He tried everything, not because he thought it would work, but because he could. And he kept growing up. I sigh inwardly, thinking about it.

If I was to just say I wanted him back, I think he'd probably do it. But… that'd be wrong. He's moved on. To pull him back would be wrong.

There are some days that I hate my logic.

And then he started to sing that damn song again.

I really hate my logic sometimes.


	2. Bridge

****

DISCLAIMER: A young man tutored his sweet heart in maths, he thought of it as his mission. He kissed her once, then once again and said "there, that's addition!" She took it upon herself to return the pleasant action. She kissed him once and once again and said "and that's subtraction!" Now she'd learned the basics without too much complication, they kissed each other once, then twice, and said "that must be multiplication!" Meanwhile the young lady's father had this 'lesson' in his vision, he kicked that boy ten foot out the door and said "Then that is long division!"

Sometimes, late at night, you go down to get a drink or something from the kitchen, and you find someone up, watching TV, listening to music, doing homework. Sometimes people just spend the night staring into space.

Often I get up and find Kurt doing something. I think he likes life better after dark. It's not like he needs to be out of bed or anything; it's just simpler for him when he's the only one up. Try as people might, and as much as everyone here loves him, some of the stuff he does is pretty weird, and you can't help but flinch.

I hate flinching.

Tonight he's reading, hanging upside down from the ceiling in the commons. If I squint I can just make out the cover. It's an English book. I read it a few weeks ago, but Kurt never really got into set books until he had to.

He raises the book from his face and smiles at me, fangs reflecting the light from the hallway. "Guten abend, Katzchen."

"Morgen, actually." I'm really proud of how much German I've picked up around Kurt. It's pretty simple sometimes. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Nightmares?" I've only heard Kurt's nightmares once, when we both got stuck in the med. rooms after a sim. Freaky, freaky stuff.

But he shakes his head. "Just couldn't get comfortable. Too hot, too cold… I hate fur." He smiles and flips down to the floor, closing the book gently. "And I was thinking. It's bad for the brain, you know."

Dork. "How's the book?"

"Cliché. Old. Romancey. Boring." He moves past me, toward the kitchen. "Drink?"

"It's not a cliché. It's one of the greatest love stories ever written."

"Right up there with Romeo and Juliet. Except they got to die in the end." He says, before slipping around the door. "We have to try and believe these two actually made it work."

"What, you don't think they would?"

"Nuh uh." He's already in the kitchen, but I was only a few steps behind, so I can hear him fine. "She hates his world. He hates her mother. They've got too many conflicts of interest."

"You're meant to be, like, a romantic."

"I am. I just don't like this book." He tosses it at the table and I sit down in front of it, toying with the cover. "Mainly because I'm in his position at this point in time, but things are… slightly different."

"His position?"

"Ja." He turns to look at me, one hand holding a coke, the other holding the milk jug for me. "I like someone, and I would like to think they like me, but there are… certain things… holding me back."

He LIKES someone? "What do you mean?" Oh god… NO! He broke up with Amanda. He's meant to be free merchandise now. This is so not fair; I keep missing my chance.

"Opinion. Public and hers. Certain rules…" he narrows his eyes, thinking. "Implications… consequences… isn't my English good these days?"

Double dork.

"It's really just her. I don't think she really likes me like that." He sets the jug down in front of me and turns to get a glass. "Aside from Amanda… I don't think anyone liked me like that. Which isn't necessarily bad. I can be the friend that everybody cuddles up to and loves." He grins and winks. "Just a means to an end, right?"

I shoot him a dark look playfully. Damn. I thought, just for a second there, he was talking about me!!! But no, he wouldn't say that if it WAS me. But then again… Would he? He's a lot… different these days. Obvious, confident, he has no subtlety when it comes to innuendo, which has become quite a large part of his humour. He's been hanging around Tabitha too much.

"I don't know about that." I say, smiling as he fills up my glass. "There are a lot of girls who think you're a great guy. And your holo is pretty cute. Too bad I know you too well for that, huh?"

He laughs. "Yeah, no kidding." He sits opposite, a soft smile showing his fangs in the hallway light again. "Thanks for saying it, though."

"What do you mean? I'm totally serious here, there are some girls who are like, really hot for you, you know." Or at least, they were, until I told them he was going out with three people at once…

He's shaking his head like he doesn't believe me. "Stop it. Thanks, but it's too late for you to be humouring me. You look dead on your feet, and it's no fun for me to torture you with your own compliments if you can claim the half-awake defense."

God, this boy is thick sometimes. "Kurt, I'm wide awake. So you're going to have to accept that you are, fur or no fur, a very desirable guy."

"Desire-ABLE, yes, certainly." He salutes me with his drink. "Desire-ERED… that's different." He winks. "Unless you can prove that wrong here and now, I'm sticking to my version."

I hate him sometimes. "You know, Kurt, the only way you'd ever get a person to like you obviously is to tell them how you feel. I mean, sure, they can do what you used to do, but no one was ever really sure if you were just trying to get me used to you by always being there, or whether you really, really liked me."

He blinks. "Did you go off track or do I need sleep?"

"Probably a little of both."

He's laughing at me, the jerk. He takes a swig of his drink and leans forward, arms crossed. "Alright then, oh mistress of like, love and relationships in general. Teach me your infinite wisdom."

What he say? "Uh?"

"Well, I have a problem." He says. "My problem is that there's a girl I like, and she probably doesn't like me. You almost sounded like you knew what you were talking about for a second there." I poke my tongue out at him, but he just grins. "So you try and actually tell me what to do."

Fine. Fine, I can do that. But what if he takes my advice and then like, totally goes after some other girl?

Oh, to hell with it. I put up with Amanda, and besides, this whole crush thing is probably just some phase anyway… "Look, girls can be almost as thick as guys, sometimes." I begin, waving my milk. "They don't know what's going on in people's heads, well, Jean does, but she's like, not the point. And your head is so damn weird that half the time we don't even know what you're talking about, let alone what you're like, thinking!

"Girls at school? Half your attraction is that you're so mysterious. You never let anyone get close to you, but you're still always around, making jokes or whatever. You seem like a joker with no brains in his head, and then you'll come out with these really deep statements, or you'll be there if a girl needs someone to just talk, y'know?"

"Ja… but I don't see what this has to do with anything but my all powerful charm…" he grins at me. Ack, stop it with the cute expressions already…

"Quiet, or I'll make you stay after school." I like this teacher metaphor… "What I mean is, no one knows what's going on with you. For all we know, when you're sitting there, smiling away, we don't know if you're staring into space or the girl in front of you's figure." He shrugs and laughs. Why does the answer to that suddenly seem so obvious? "For us to understand what you're thinking, you're going to have to completely come out and say 'I love you as more than a friend and would like to be with you for the rest of my life as your boyfriend'."

"Long statement."

"Yeah, well… I love you can mean lots of different things."

He shrugs. "So you think the only way I'm going to completely figure everything out is to tell this girl I love her?"

"Do you?"

He falls silent, just watching me. We're always doing this. The other night in the kitchen… a few weeks ago in the park… all the time just hanging together. We'll stop and gaze at each other, like the other's face just helps us think. I know it sounds weird, but it does. Kurt's face can totally clear my mind of useless junk. At least… I hope that's what I can do for him, too.

He smiles and for a second, it's all I can do to smile back. "I really do."

Dammit.

"Well then, you should tell her. Let her know how you feel. More than likely she feels the same about you, y'know." I force a grin and point my glass at him. "Tomorrow morning, or… later this morning… I command you to tell that girl how you really feel."

He nods, just once, and skulls the rest of his coke. In the dark it can be hard to see much about him, but I can tell that he's thinking about what I said.

After a few more moments, he stands up. "Thanks, Katzchen. You helped."

"Oh… good." I actually manage a grin this time without trying. "On the book, too?"

"Uh… sure." He scoops it up and walks around the table to stand beside me. "I should get to bed."

"Yeah. At least have three hours of sleep before training."

"Make that two… maybe one…" he laughs.

We just stay there for a moment, smiling, when he suddenly leans down and kisses my forehead. "Thank you, Kitty."

"You're welcome." I murmur, feeling his lips on my skin is so sweet. You know, I'd think the fur would tickle, but it just feels… soft, I guess.

He pulls back slowly. "Well… good night."

"Yeah…"

I turn back to my glass, but he stops at the door and leans on the frame, grinning suddenly. "Could I ask you one more thing?"

Huh? "Sure, Kurt."

"This book. You're obviously a fan, right?"

"Oh, yeah." I grin. That's one of my favourites.

"What d'you like so much about it? I'm really having trouble reading it, give me some insight."

I look at him silently. Well, I've never been one for 'do as I say, not as I do'… Why the hell not? "I identify with the girl. She doesn't like him to start with. Completely hates him even, thinks he's evil and whatever? But the more she knows about him, the more she talks to him, even though she doesn't know everything about him, she starts to loves him. More than anything else."

He laughs at me. He's always doing that! "Gott, I love you, Kitty. Okay then. G'night."

I smile as he leaves the room, waiting until I know he must be out of even his hearing distance, before the first catch of my breath hits. I gasp for air, but all I can do is force myself not to break out a loud sob.

I'm not the one he likes. If I was, he never would have said it like that. Kurt's not like that. He would tell you in a beautiful romantic setting, and not at the end of a conversation about freaking books!

I push the milk jug out of the way and bend down, nestling my chin in my arms.

I think I hate him.

I missed my chance, I guess, but dammit!

I bury my face into my arms, letting the first tear fall.


	3. Chorus

Do you, readers, think I'm a depressed person? Why does everyone think I'm suicidal? I demand to know. WHY do I scream "guys, look at me and save me" if I'm not screaming "guys, look at me and date me"? I give up. I can't do anything right, can I…? Ugh.

****

Kiki, I think you've been rubbing off on me, that's all. Besides, I've had a lack of inspiration. Writing a bad Rogue fic helped and look at me now! It must be exam stress.

****

Everyone else- Angst? ANGST? Oh, this isn't angst. Kitty angst is Meredith territory. I'll pass. We're talking SHIVA. Me, I'm just toying with their minds.

****

DISCLAIMER: Standing before the court in an alimony hearing,the man cried out. "As God as my judge, I do not owe that woman money!" The judge calmly replied: "He isn't, I am, you do."

I've been looking for Kurt all afternoon. I've barely seen him since yesterday morning. Drama club, English study sessions for Kurt, a huge argument I had with Amanda today… oi, that was bad.

I can't even remember what it was about, hey? I think I asked her whether she was going out with Kurt again. She got overly ticked and tried to kill me, if you know what I mean.

I don't see why she's so cut up about it. I mean, they broke up like, a month ago. And all I was asking was whether they got back together. She went ballistic. Something about being patronising.

I am not patronising. Especially not on this topic. I'm in no situation to BE patronising.

Then it grew into an argument like we used to have. Full on bitching at each other about everything we could find. Can't believe I called her an elephant. She's the perfect weight, and I call her an elephant. I am such an idiot. If she goes anorexic now, it'll be all my fault.

I'm a cow, aren't I?

It's days like this that I need to talk to Kurt. He always makes me feel better, while never lying that I shouldn't have done something or whatever.

I gotta admit though, I've kinda been avoiding him.

I really like him. But… he likes someone else, and I missed my chance… it's killing me. I hate this.

Ugh! To hell with it! I want to talk to him, so I'm going to! To heck with what I feel about him, he's still my friend, and I'm not gonna lose that because of some stupid crush that won't last the winter.

Even if I can't look at him without hating him.

He's lying under a tree, still trying to read that book. He hasn't got his holo on, but he is wearing the clothes that the professor gave him to go with it. I never really understood the colour scheme, but hey… He smiles at me from behind his book, but just keeps reading.

I collapse down beside him, facing toward the pool and the institute, away from him. If I don't look at him, I won't want to ravage him. It's all good. "I'm sorry."

"Hmm?"

I shrug. "I got into a fight with Amanda again today. About you. I wanted to apologise."

He laughs. "Ja, I heard about that. Apparently she bit your head off. You okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I was just worried that you might be angry at me." I glance back at him for a second. God, he looks so nice today. He's just smiling, his eyes half closed, watching me lazily. I turn around, which I know is stupid, but his tail was playing with my pony tail, and I am not in the mood. "You always used to get angry at me."

"Meh. I think I can forgive you. Amanda was telling me about it in Geometry." He smiles. Ugh, I wish he'd stop that. "She thought you knew what she knew, and thought you were rubbing her face in it… It's all very complicated and girl-angst. I decided not to bother trying to understand."

Huh? "What she knew? What does she know that I don't?"

"That I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with someone else.

What? Okay, that was random. He just said it so deadpan, like he was talking about the leaves or something.

"Oh. See, when you told me, the other morning? I thought you were talking about her!" And now I know he wasn't. Don't I feel brilliant and perceptive today? "So… I just wanted to know if you'd told her you loved her yet. You did say you were going to. You haven't changed your mind already, have you?"

Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, please say-

"What? Of course I haven't."

Ouch.

"So have you told her?"

Please say no, please say no, please say no, please say-

"Oh, ja. I told her that morning."

Ooh, that one hurt.

"And she said… what?"

Go to hell, curl up and die, I couldn't love you if I tried, you're a furry blue freak, I thought you were in love with Kitty Pryde, come on, one of the above here!

He smiles and sits up, elbows on his knees. "She didn't say anything. I left the room right after and I'm not sure if she's figured out it actually happened yet."

He's grinning. It's the same one Jean has. Like they know something the rest of us don't. I hate them both, I do.

"She hasn't freaked out, turned you down, kissed you passionately and madly? For the love of… I dunno, throw me a bone here, how's she reacting?" I'm really proud of my grin. I swear he's got no idea that I'm five seconds from killing all the females between the ages of twelve and twenty five at this point. No, I'm serious. They're all going to die.

He shrugs and I can tell, he's hiding something again. He's a little upset. "Let's just say… I know how she feels, even if she doesn't understand how I feel."

"What d'you mean?"

He closes his book and stands up. "She wants me to be with someone else. I've tried that and it didn't work. Everything's the same. So… so I'm just going to… be friends with every girl I meet until eventually, one notices me and my ravishing good looks and demands I marry her on penalty of one of Scott's speeches." He grins and holds out a hand.

I hate him. So, so much.

But I smile and take his hand, pulling him into a hug. "I hope you find that girl soon, Kurt. And if not… I'll always be here, if you need me."

He laughs slightly, making me jump. It's weird to hug someone who's laughing, your entire body moves with them. He pulls me closer and sighs. "Ja. Friends're great, aren't they?"

I pull back slightly to look at him. There's something wrong now, and I don't know what. "Kurt… can I ask you a question?"

"If you insist." He smirks.

"Who was she? How'd you tell her?"

He smiles. "Katzchen… it's not important."

"No, I mean…" God, I don't know what I mean. I don't know why I want to know. It's not like I care. I'm not going to do this anymore, I'm just… giving up on him. Let him be with… whoever. He's my friend, and that's all the matters. "I want to like, beat her up for causing my elfie heart ache."

"Elfie?" His expression is hilarious. It's like when you call Evan 'baby'. Like you've completely killed his dignity.

"Yeah. Besides, I'm the friend. I'm meant to listen and care and… yeah."

He smiles. "Well… I'm not going to tell you."

"What! Why not?"

"You called me Elfie!"

Ack. Jerk. "Not fair. Come on… if I guess, will you tell me?"

"Ja, sure." He laughs and we start towards the mansion.

Hmm. Well, always could narrow it down before hand. "She's not a mutant?"

"Huh? Oh, ja, she is."

"She's a mutant?" Okay, that really narrows it down. Wooh. Okay. I'm going to have to kill someone more powerful than me. Great. "Tabitha?"

He shakes his head, thank God. He could do so much better.

"Amara?"

"What!" he's laughing at me again. "The princess? Are you nuts?"

"It could happen!"

"No, it couldn't!" he tilts his head back to grin at the sun. "Pathetic…"

"Hey!" I elbow him hard, and he yelps. Just as well or I'd be annoyed. "Rahne."

"Uh uh."

"Jubes? Please say it's not Rogue."

"No and definitely a nein."

Jean? Ew. She's older. Or Storm. EW! Ew ew ew! Wrongness! "How old is she?"

"That's cheating!" he cried. "You cheat! Come on, you've narrowed it down to a total of three or four females, you can't go wrong here."

"Unless she's not female, of course…"

He just gives me a look. "You twisted individual."

"Gotta keep your options open." Okay. On the border of being disgusted with him. "Ororo."

Another stare. "You are not only twisted, you're also sick. No."

"Older or younger?"

"Younger, dummkoff! Do I have to spell this out for you?" He cries and turns, then stops, turning to me seriously. "Katzchen. Listen. Listen very closely. Think about each of the clues you've been given."

I just stare at him. What is this? It's not that obvious, Blue boy!

"I have told her that I love her. I told her the morning I talked to you. She may or may not have figured out what I was trying to tell her, despite the fact I said those three words very clearly. She is a mutant. She lives at the institute. She is not a new mutant. Nor is she Storm, thank every high heaven I can find, that is going to scar me for life now, Katze. She wants me to go out with someone else. Until the other morning I thought she at least liked me… like that . But I was obviously wrong, because she hasn't-" he cuts off, looking away. It's only a few moments later that he can look at me again. "It's been narrowed down to two people Kitty. I'm going to give you that last hint, and if you hate me, then that's okay, you can run away, and I won't mind if you never want to see me again. I'll understand. It's weird, I know."

Oh, god. It's Jean. I'm going to have to kill Jean. Fabulous.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "The girl I think… I am almost positive that I love… is not Jean, Kitty. There's only one other person it can be."

Really? Who?

Oh.

OH!

"Oh." I manage a squeak. I actually squeaked! Can you believe that? I SQUEAKED!

He just smiles. "Ja… oh. Maybe I'll see you later, Kitty."

He's going.

He's turning around.

He's walking away.

Why is he walking away? Isn't this the part where we jump into each other's arms and kiss passionately with lots and lots of tongue, then proceed to be a Couple for the rest of the three pages of the novel?

Why is he walking away?

"Why are you walking away?"

He stops and turns to stare at me, his hand on the door handle. "What?"

"Why are you walking away from me? This is the part where you say like, 'dank god' and we kiss and hug and become a couple, you can't just like, walk away!" I'm shouting this at the top of my lungs in the backyard of the institute. Yep. This is going to be so good for my image around the mansion.

And.. he's staring at me. "What?"

"I said… I love you. Hello, is that not computing to you?"

"What? No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No, you didn't. I would remember you saying that."

"Well, I-" Oh God. I didn't say it, did I?

Oh god…

I am such an idiot.

Wait! Yes I did! "Well, I did just then! And I yelled it for all the garden gnomes to hear, so you better believe it!"

He's still staring at me. You know, I think he's trying very hard not to laugh.

And now I'm thinking about it…

He loses it. He bends double, laughing, grabbing at the door handle to stay standing. Wow. I didn't think it was that funny. Eventually he manages to get upright and walks to the opposite side of the pool to me, still laughing. "Kitty, is this real?"

I nod. This is so not how it's meant to be happening, here.

"Are you serious?"

"More than you are!" I yell.

He grins and disappears in a burst of smoke, reappearing a few feet from me. He's still grinning. "Katzchen, you are so thick."

"You're not much better. I've been like, totally throwing myself at you all week."

"Says you."

"Yah huh. And I am so right. You are like, such a dork. I hate you."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

He smiles and walks over. "So that was pity, before? You don't really like me."

"At the moment, I can't stand you."

"How long do you think that'll last?" he asks, still moving closer.

He is… really close, actually. But hey, I'm not moving.

But I think I know what he's doing, too. "At least until you make up for it."

"And how would I do that?"

I'm grinning now, too. It's hard not to. We are so pathetic. Of all the lame couples in the world, I think we have to be the worst. "I'm not telling."

"I can deal with that." he whispers, before leaning closer.

Oh yeah. I am so not moving anymore. I think I'll stay like this until, oh, I dunno, the next blue moon. At least. Maybe the third…

Kurt loves me.

Despite everything.

He threw everything he had at me those first few months. Trying to make me like him. And I've finally given it back.

And he still loves me.

Not bad. Not bad at all.


End file.
